I think these are all sure signs that a horse has given up on his rider.

“She seems kind of flighty and erratic. Doesn’t have the self-respect of a yearling. I don’t trust that kind of mind in a human.”

It’s a de-evolution to get here; riding began in a much more joyous, wonder-filled place. But when affirmative work with a horse starts to go bad, a kind of passive adversity sneaks in.

Communication with the horse gives way to having an unhappy internal diatribe, focusing on what’s wrong and never rewarding what’s right. Riders grow louder with their cues or more critical of the horse’s response. Eventually we are at war, training resistance and killing try.

“Eeouw! Does this human have needles in her sit bones? What a pain in the back!”

When emotions or impatience take the place of communication- there is a domino effect of bad behavior, usually on both sides.

My favorite trainer referred this as too much blood in your eye- riding blindly for the goal instead of working the training process in the moment.

RESET: What if the horse is telling the truth? What if you are actually asking for what your horse is giving? Or is there a chance the horse is getting conflicting cues- like pulling back on a rein while asking forward with a whip?

“Forward? Back? WHAT???”

Horses get tense, confused, and resistant. Finally, most horses just shut down (by over-reacting or under-reacting.)

“Can you believe the flap this human is making? She’s so confused, poor thing, she’s just scattered. Maybe if I ignore her, she will settle…”

Humans do have limited senses to begin with, and then our intellect distracts us from using them effectively. When human brains spin thoughts like a rat on a wheel, we lose zen.

“Poor Humans. They have such limitation: senses that are hardly worth mentioning, only two legs and erratic leadership skills. How have they even survived so long with such limited ability? If not for us equines, they would certainly have perished centuries ago.”

I am continually amazed by horse’s willingness to forgive our shortcomings and give us another chance. There is resilience enough to share if we can steady our thoughts and be as responsive as we want our horse to be.

Because when horse and rider have an actual 2-way conversation, minds and bodies come together. Synchronicity! The horse relaxes into rhythm, he blows and chews, and the ride becomes effortless in a stride. It’s like the horse congratulates us (rider and trainer) for getting it right.

“But sometimes I have such hope for this species. (stretch, blow…) I know that one day they will learn to communicate. (lick, lick, chew…) I believe humans are capable of so much more than some equines think possible.”

Anna, Infinity Farm.

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Simple:

Short,

Stylish,

No hair product required.

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.

Anna, Infinity Farm.

We were an odd pair- Randi and I could not have been more different. Our best game over the years was trying on each other’s shoes. Randi would have green, buttery-leather pumps- very Italian, and I would have wooly mukluks. She would have strappy stiletto sandals and me- red longhorn bull cowboy boots.  We were both hopeless victims to our taste in shoes. We’d trade shoes, point at each other, and cackle like with chickens. Try it- your shoes look silly on someone else.

For all of our differences, our lives mirrored each other. We lost our dads within weeks of each other and then 4 years later, both of our moms. Through 25 years of friendship, love, and loss, we celebrated art and dogs and living passionately.

I’m remembering a winter day when Randi brought her step-grand-daughter down to my barn for a long-promised ride. There was a sudden weather change. The wind was nasty, that January kind of cold. We couldn’t talk the grand-daughter out of it, so we tacked up the old horse. Once in the saddle, her chin quivered uncontrollably. I’ve never seen a little girl so excited and miserable all at once. Randi and I pressed onto either side of my horse, squinting at each other over his mane. All four of us moved in a walking huddle, ducking our chins as we headed into the wind- we laughed and shivered, and sang horse songs.

I want to tell all the Randi stories, so you will miss her like I do.

A couple of years later there was similar weather for her graveside service, with snow on the trees and frost in my lungs. There was such an exquisitely painful moment as the casket was lowered. I felt the warmth of her friendship that day, too.

And now it is 6 Januaries later.  I’ve lost more friends and horses and dogs since then. It’s kind of warm, visiting with them in the winter. Winds blow, the earth is frozen and I still work to find a balance between hello and good bye. I notice that the older I get, the more practice I have.

But there isn’t much time to languish now. Days are longer already. Soon there will be mud, and even more horse hair on my clothes. The pond will thaw for baby ducks and miraculously, grass will grow. There are horses to start and people to meet. Can I try on your shoes?

 “Excess of grief for the dead is madness; for it is an injury to the living, and the dead know it not.” Xenophon (RIP, 354 BC)

(for W.C.)

Anna, Infinity Farm.

Anna, Infinity Farm.

It couldn’t be that I offended with last week’s rant about non-helmet wearing riders who have more concern about their hair than their brains.

It can’t be a grudge about the blog where I referred to my truck as The Perfect Purse, that was just common sense.

I admit I don’t dye my hair anymore. When I first moved to the farm, I would put the peroxide/dye on my hair and while waiting for rinse time, wander out to the barn to feed. Then I might tidy up the feed room or maybe fix some fence. Or just talk politics with the goats.

AWK! I lost time- and the peroxide on my hair was way over-done, dry and crunchy. I  raced to the shower, knowing that the water would rinse every hair off my head and leave a shiny, naked skull. But no, I did it several times, and amazingly, my hair was still attached. Eventually, even that got boring and I quit the whole dye process.

It can’t be my fashion sense. This year I got new Carhartts-  actual women’s Carhartts that are a stylish dirty lavender color with elastic in the back waist. Still, I confess I like the fit of my old men’s Carhartts better. Sometimes I glance in the mirror while pulling them on and think they make me look tall and thin. I realize this is an unrealistic fashion perception. I also realize that the word unrealistic is an understatement.

Last month I was all set for a couple of spa days- complete with massage and hot soaks. Plans changed when my grandfather horse got sick and we had a costly midnight vet visit. I still took a couple of days, but not at the spa. I gave myself a facial- my skin can start to look a little like an old hay tarp from time to time. I used Miracle Clay. The product really is a miracle when ingested for equine ulcers and colic. (This clearly isn’t a paid endorsement.) The package label says it’s also a poultice, so I mixed some up with milk, lemon and honey and slathered it on my face. There was a big improvement, no kidding! Now I look like a slightly younger 57 year old woman who is out in the sun and wind every day.

It’s New Year’s resolution time and beauty tips abound. And again, not that you asked, but here is my one real beauty tip and it works for everybody: Stand next to a horse you like, and smile.

After all, it is all about accessorizing, isn’t it?

(P.S. At all costs, resist squealing in a high-pitched, girly voice, “Look, he matches my hair!”)

What’s your best irrational barn beauty tip?? I dare you…

Anna, Infinity Farm.

All that and more.

Anna, Infinity Farm.

I notice her family members wearing helmets for polo; perhaps she falls into that category of riders who think that some equine events require helmets, but not others. It’s the ‘Sometimes Dangerous’ argument. I used to use it myself.

But that’s an absurd helmet excuse. And now I am making excuses for the Queen! It’s silly because there are no excuses. The research is in and the potential danger is undeniable. Everyone agrees: the NFL, UCI, NHL, Nascar, Motocross- the professionals wear helmets. And last year, the USEF rule, although some of us lag behind. Helmet wear has to be considered common sense at this point, right?

“Common sense is very uncommon.” Horace Greeley

The Queen gets a wry smile from me, riding at 85. Old habits die hard; at this point, she isn’t likely to give up riding or take up helmet wearing.  And just like the Queen, lots of us don’t respond well to being told what to do.  I am a bit protective of her and I cringe whenever I see a rider with a naked head. If the Queen wore a helmet, I guess I would be more comfortable.

Brilliant Uber-Glam solution to pesky helmet hair- Horses love it, too.

I think the gold medal absurd helmet excuse is fear of helmet hair. Really? Bad hair? Have you checked your jacket for horse dander and spit? And what’s that green stuff on your boot?

Do you really think an attractive single man is going to (#1) wander into the barn and (#2) decide to not marry you because of helmet hair? Really?

Stop making women look simple and foolish! Horsemanship is not about lounging in the barn in expensive breeches, sipping chardonnay, and having a good hair day.

If I am brought down by tough judging, then I will take my lumps and work harder. If I am brought down by helmet hair, I should get a new hobby. Like shopping.

At the risk of being called sexist for picking on women, I’ll also challenge men who think their manhood is defined by a cowboy hat.

Just for one minute- can we  get past our own surface vanity and take some pride in what we are doing- rather than how we look doing it? Better to strap one on, ride well, and grow some character. Accomplish something you can be proud of.

People who are long term relationship material love a helmet, so if you actually do ride horses to attract a date (?), at the very least- you will attract someone worthy of you.  And at the most…you will raise common sense above debates about beauty and fashion. I applaud that!

And because I am an equal opportunity blame-pointer, let’s talk about me. I don’t think I further the pro-helmet cause if I am sitting on my High Horse and judging others. It’s a barn version of racial profiling. I admit it. My heart jumps into my throat when I see a kid riding without a helmet. I am not proud to admit that when I see a professional without a helmet, it changes how I think them as well. Again, my bad.

Every year the excuses for not wearing a helmet sound a bit more lame. The groundless debate continues; we are a stubborn crowd. I do wish we respected horses more, and our work with them. Mostly, I wish common sense was more common.

Thanks, Pam. Thanks, Leslie. And Grace, too.

Anna Blake, Infinity Farm.

Other Helmet posts: Hard Hats and Hard Heads.  Helmets and Freedom.

Anna, Infinity Farm.

]]> http://annablakeblog.com/2012/01/03/weekly-photo-challenge-winter/feed/ 5 annablakeblog SANYO DIGITAL CAMERA http://annablakeblog.com/2011/12/30/give-peace-a-chance-start-in-the-barn/ http://annablakeblog.com/2011/12/30/give-peace-a-chance-start-in-the-barn/#comments Fri, 30 Dec 2011 13:27:26 +0000 annablakeblog http://annablakeblog.wordpress.com/?p=2615 Continue reading →]]> This is the time of year holiday greetings include Peace on Earth. We need it- there is so much conflict in the world right now. Each side is defensive of their beliefs and adversity becomes the default position. I don’t have a solution for world peace, but this is what I have learned in the barn.

There are a certain percentage of people who seem to really thrive on adversity and if honest, would say peace is just too boring. If they aren’t fighting, they aren’t living.  Sadly, some of them own horses. Avoid them, they are poison.

Most people have good intentions but develop of kind of passive adversarial behavior from time to time. It can come from a less than optimistic outlook. Or more often, as a result of exhaustion, frustration or just the daily wear and tear of life. Our energy gets gray, and resistance and drag begin to feel normal. There’s less whistling and laughing,  and more sighing and grumbling. It’s like gravity working on our energy.

Horses can fall into the same rut of passive adversarial behavior- they might even catch it from us. And then all of a sudden there is a training issue and the rider is complaining that their horse has some wicked master plan of malicious deception, or a laziness so deep and profound that electric cattle prod spurs would fail to move him.

WHOA! How did we get here?? When did the war begin?

This year I have worked with some really great horses, who I usually meet in the middle of an unwanted behavior. After a little equine CSI work- the problem frequently boils down to a dislike of fighting. Meaning a trailer issue is more likely a resistance to the fight about the trailer, than the actual trailer itself.  It’s not so much what we ask them to do, but how we ask. Once communication breaks down there is no joy on either side.

And it doesn’t necessarily mean the rider is violent or abusive by human standards. Horses are so sensitive to our moods- frustration can feel like a punishment and depression can feel like pressure with no release in sight.

I don’t know that it matters in the end who started it, or why. Both sides have to surrender their defensiveness to start over. The bigger heart should apologize first; some of us learn that from our horses. Then like kids on a playground, we can go back to our game.

When working with animals, I see myself as a peace-nik. I refuse to continue a fight or hold a grudge. Post the Serenity Prayer in the barn if it helps, but the useless bickering has to stop. I choose to stay relentlessly positive, and behave as if I have an infinite well of honesty, optimism and creative ideas- along with all the time in the world. I’m no saint, but if I can act that way for a while, horses will come the rest of the way to meet me. Then trust can grow as the adversity retreats.

From Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce, “From where the sun now stands, I will fight no more forever.” (Read more.)

Sometimes real strength and benevolent leadership come from a counter-intuitive place. Lighten up- let peace be your weapon of choice.

Anna Blake, Infinity Farm.

Anna, Infinity Farm.