New Eyes on the Same Ordinary Stuff

WMVinnieUnbrokenI’ll tell you about how the first follow happened. She was a young barn-rat of a girl. You know the kind; she was quiet and kept her eyes low. Her breath was guarded; she was past excited but also shy. Lots of girls compete before her age, but today was her first time around horses. I’d shown her how to curry and brush, and what a frog was. She loved brushing the mare’s mane best. The barn-rat was deliberate and slow. I couldn’t tell who she was listening to harder–me or the mare. No matter how many times I’ve done this introduction, it never gets old.

Just when she thought it couldn’t get better, I asked if she’d like to lead the mare. Yes. Very yes, but she didn’t squeal. She solemnly listened to every syllable as I explained that the lead rope should be slack and that she should say, “Walk on.” There was a false start or two, but soon the pair was marching, making right turns, and changes in stride, big to small and back again. The mare kept her head low, just the height of the girl. They halted together on an exhale and the barn-rat’s voice was almost prayerful when she said, “Good girl,” placing her small hand on the mare’s cheek. So I told her to un-click the lead. The barn-rat didn’t believe me.

When I finally talked her into it, she took the tiniest, tentative step off, and the mare picked up one foot and put it down, just shifting her weight. Then they looked at each other sideways. I clucked both of them to a small walk. The barn rat was afraid to look at the mare or me, for fear of ruining it, but her eyebrows said it all. I asked for the same maneuvers they’d done with the lead rope and reminded her to breathe. The mare blew to encourage this calm little leader and moved along like her shadow. The barn-rat was not nearly so cool. She positively glowed with awe, incredulous that the mare stayed with her. I saw the size of the horse through her unblinking eyes; it was nothing short of magic. And absolute wonder.

Who would ever believe that a little girl could move a thousand pound horse at liberty?

We all do, of course. We know it all; that horses read body language and mirror our movements. We knew the mare would go with her, especially after a warm-up on the lead rope. It’s ordinary stuff and very sweet to watch. We’re like big sisters. We’ve been there, done that. We’re nostalgic about the awe the little girl felt. And almost condescending.

Wonder and awe aren’t just for beginners. The real question for us is how long has it been since we’ve put new eyes on the same ordinary stuff? We’re old pros and it isn’t cool for us to act like the barn-rat now. But one look at that mare tells us the barn-rat’s the one who has it right.

All my clients say the same thing–they want a better relationship with their horse. They watch videos and read books. They learn that body position is crucial and hands must be soft and kind. There are long-winded lists of cues for getting deep into a corner or preparing for a shoulder-in, but if the ability to remember a list of techniques was all that was necessary to ride well, everyone would do it. Techniques are required information, but they only work to the degree that the relationship between horse and rider allow it. For all of our years of study, if we can’t find that fragile space where our horses trust us, and volunteer to move with us, then any work we do together will look like…well…work.

Soon our horses need all kinds of corrections. Our trots start to look like death marches while the horse’s foot falls sound loud and hard. Then outright resistance begins. It’s slow at first, so we push them through it, but some resentment lingers behind on both sides.

When we lose that fragile sense of wonder, our horses feel the loss, too. It’s why kids manage things on horses that amaze adults. They have an energy in their hearts that inspires horses. If we’ve gotten lazy about energy or tainted by complacency, then all of our technical knowledge will not get us that happy barn-rat response. In the end, relationship might be even more important than technique; when we prioritize that connection, ordinary work becomes art.

There’s no shortage of studies that scientifically conclude that horses have emotions not unlike our own. It’s time we learn to respect that. It’s our failing that when communication gets sticky, our brains quit and our hands force an answer. It’s the thing we have that horses don’t; our hands trump their cue to us that our communication skills are lazy.

So let’s test that partnership. I proclaim this No Hands January. Start over and remind yourself how big your horse is. See him with little barn-rat eyes. Keep your hands in your pockets while you catch him. Go ahead and ride, but use a neck ring. Take your hands out of the equation because attached to the reins and bit, they give you an unfair dis-advantage. A lead rope or reins are meant to aid in light communication, not replace mental connection with physical threat.

Stop and go back for your inner barn-rat. Let your wonder be your horse’s reward; let ground work be your dance. Practice being a magnetic partner. Does he blow you off, ignore you, or give in and pout about it? Take him at his word, because truth cuts both ways. He’ll reward you when you get it right.

Always notice your energy before you complain about your horse’s response. If you are acting like a know-it-all old fart, well, no wonder. I mean that literally. No wonder is the exact problem.

Anna Blake, Infinity Farm.

Relaxed and Forward 3D Cover GREENAnd coming this month, Relaxed & Forward: Relationship Advice from Your Horse. It’s a collection of essays from this blog, available in paperback and ebook formats, from online retailers. Signed copies will be available as well.

40 thoughts on “New Eyes on the Same Ordinary Stuff

  1. Lorri Shaver

    Ah, to be a barn rat again… I think because I never owned my own horses until the middle of my life, the last 5 1/2 years, I have not lost the wonder. Every morning that I enter the barn it’s like the Best Christmas Ever all over again. It’s a wonderful way to start your day. Thank you Anna. Your words always touch me.

  2. Susan

    That’s lovely, Anna. I’ve been asking my two horses to switch paddocks and walk-in stalls, without putting on halters and leads. One catches on quickly, the other I’ve been luring with a feed tub. After reading your blog, I think I will give the laggard a bit more time to figure out my request without the lure. The funniest part will be the expression on the horse who already gets it, as she waits and waits for the reluctant one to figure it out or comply. Thanks for adding a new element to an ordinary kind of task.

    1. I move horses between pens at “liberty” and in the beginning, it was slower than slow. The best part is watching the A+ students hem and haw; you’re right. Thanks for the comment.

  3. Sharon Bowen

    Thank you for this. January is a difficult time due to winter weather woes. But remembering that there are lots of ways to interact with my guy at this time and how much this can deepen the relationship (already very deep between us) is very helpful.

  4. Blossom Savage

    Thank you for such a valuable n insightful lesson. It’s all so true n makes me miss my horse so much. We rode together bareback n with a halter the last few years of his 32 yr old life. The communication was the best!

  5. Sarah

    So lovely, between your deft writing and a bit of experience for myself and with students of many ages, I could so clearly see her face and feel her heart…and mine…catch. Thank you!

    1. Introducing girls to horses is our legacy (since you mention students) and in the crazy barn world, it counts as a “Benefit”. Glad to have you on the job.

  6. sissie

    owesome read… I so wish I was closer to you…….. I wish I could spend every minute at the barn… it is a lot of work, lot of responsibility …. but when the horse follows you without a rope… oh what a feeling………

  7. Missed out on being a barn rat in my youth – parents resented the long ride out to the farm, so those charmed afternoons of lessons ended far to soon. I guess that explains me living on the farmette now. On good days, my guy follows me from his paddock across the farm to the grazing pen at liberty, for the promise of sweet grass and a treat in my pocket. Sublime.

    1. Great job of getting to a barn eventually. I meet so many women who have protected this childhood dream for decades…eventually is better than never. Thanks for commenting.

  8. Frances

    I still feel like a barn rat and I’m 50!! I can’t afford my own horse but help a lady out with hers-I will never lose my childlike exuberance for these beautiful animals.
    Thanks for your post!

  9. Sophia

    Amen to all that! Such a beautifully inspirational start to 2016 Anna. Thank you.
    I’m in Lorri’s camp, didn’t own my first pony until my 40s – Finally! so 8 years on their toe shavings, a whisp of tail hair caught on a twig or a glimpse of them in the woods in my back yard – let alone inhaling their scent close or wow of wow climbing on board! – so refills that well of total ecstasy. Only way to live. Even so, we all get run down at times so really good to get the reminders from good people like you 🙂

  10. Vibeke

    You are an inspiration Anna. I love reading your posts and enjoy your perspective on things. You keep guiding me in the right direction and and comfirm my own beliefs. Thank you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s